Attached is my previous paper, instructions for the paper, and a student example

Attached is my previous paper, instructions for the paper, and a student example. I got a 68% on and need rewritten for a better grade. Below is my instructors advice. Thanks!
“Thanks for meeting the 500 words minimum, double-spaced, using 12-point Times New Roman font, formal essay style. Overall, your basic MLA document formatting looks good. Need sz. 12 TNR in the upper right hand corner. Also need an interesting and creative title.
Nice, effective introduction that analyzes the author’s intentions or the effectiveness and purpose of the author’s rhetorical strategies. Need a clearly developed main point (thesis) analyzing author’s intentions or rhetorical strategies, including at least the topic of the paper and your overall evaluation of it–the topic includes the title, and these should appear all in one sentence. The thesis should be able to stand alone.
You have a well-reasoned analysis of a reading’s rhetorical strategies, such as ethos, pathos, logos, audience, purpose, cultural perspectives, etc. supported with evidence. Effective analysis of a reading demonstrated, but need sufficient evidence to support points in a minimum of three body paragraphs. Appropriate organization and paragraphing with effective topic sentences and transitions.
You also need to include at least three quotes or paraphrases or a mixture of both directly from the article with proper MLA in-text citations as well as a properly formatted Work Cited page. You need sufficient evidence to support points in a minimum of three body paragraphs. You have appropriate and accurate interpretation of specific details, connected to accurately interpreted quotations and paraphrases. The Works Cited page needs some proper formatting work.
https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/research_and_citation/mla_style/mla_formatting_and_style_guide/mla_sample_works_cited_page.html
You have a clear style with few errors in language conventions, grammar, etc. You observe the conventions of Standard English, for the most part.
You need a well-developed, clear, effective conclusion that sums up the main points of the essay, as well as restates the thesis and leaves a lasting impression. This should make up 20% of the paper.
To have a complete essay, need a minimum of five paras.–intro., three body paras., and a conclusion.
Overall, good start. A few major things need attention. Be sure to work on correcting these things for your next paper. I appreciate your efforts, and I enjoyed reading your analysis.
All my best– Dr. Sullivan”
This is the link to the TED talk this is over
https://www.ted.com/talks/wael_ghonim_let_s_design_social_media_that_drives_real_change?language=jv

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