Below I have uploaded the draft paper I would like edited. Please apply all the below suggestions to the edit.
* *Cut some of the personal stuff out in the first two body paragraphs and move the research up earlier into the paper and expand a little bit on the solution by having more research and then making sure that the thesis statement also contains whatever that solution is.
**Start with the intro about pursuing this degree and then the main obstacle is going to be this idea of public speaking and the difficulty with that.
**I want the solution to be clear in the thesis of the intro. What are the approaches that are going to be used to overcome the barrier? Give it in the thesis, and then use body paragraphs to explain it.
**Page three is when we start actually getting some outside research. I want to move that up earlier in the paper.
I want to quickly shift that first body paragraph over to the research. I have a personal difficulty with this. However, I’m not alone. According to this article, this amount of people struggle with this and then you could kind of start integrating the research more with this personal stuff.
I want to start pulling back a little bit on the personal details. Focus on what we see in the research and explain why this research matters.
**Now you say behavior modification techniques. Let’s be specific there. What types of behavior, and modification techniques, and then what are we going to do to create those modification techniques. expand a little bit on the solution there and bring in more research.
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